I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
