Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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