I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
