He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
