Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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