I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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