I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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