Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
