You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
