Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
