Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
