That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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