sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
