Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
