Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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