Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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