Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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