Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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