dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
