Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
