just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
