I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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