I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
