Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
