Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
