So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
