No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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