i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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