The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Mom said you looked used
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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