Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
