I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
