Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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