There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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