My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I AM VODKA MAN
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
