the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
