WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
