I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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