When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
