the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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