guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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