just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
