i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
