It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
