Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
