i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
When did angry sex become our thing?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
