i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
