If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
