Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
