What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
