M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
