well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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