So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
