You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
